Sunday, February 21, 2016

How do we connect?

Di na 'ko tinantanan ng mga PREX-like encounters. 

 If you've been reading this blog especially posts like this, there's a possibility that you know/understand me better than most people I know/meet in person. There isn't enough time for heart to heart talks especially in groups and this is where the therapeutic properties of blogging comes in for me. I don't tell everything here but the process of putting thoughts into words without caring if somebody's going to read it or not is something that had helped me whenever I'm feeling unwell - just like now. Ka-level ng heart to heart talks eh. It's already 3 AM and I can't sleep but I also couldn't do the things that I should be doing. 

 Anyway, this morning my Aunt called us for a reunion and meeting because she's self-publishing a book later this year and she's looking for a family member who would like to publish as well. I am putting this here since her book is going to be a public thing soon (bili ka ha? hehe). 
I'll tell you a little background of our mother side's family. My mom is the youngest in the family and that's the reason why those members that are of my age range are not my cousins but their sons and daughters whom most are not close to me. Most of my cousins grew up together while we were born in the time when they were also busy with their personal lives that get-togethers were never done up until last Saturday and yesterday upon the invitations of my aunt. 

One activity we did was answer the questions, "What good did you do for your family, friends, strangers?" "What was your biggest mistake and what did you do to correct it?"

My biggest mistake so far is.... and what I am doing to correct it is still ongoing haha. My reason for sponsoring a child in World Vision, which I have been doing for more than three years now, is a way of paying forward and to give my child hope and the chance to do things as well. 

In the process of answering questions, I told the daughter of my cousin whom I see during some celebrations but we never held conversations, "I feel you." Understandable because we are both in the stage wherein a lot of transitions are happening. You can't force everyone to understand your struggles but you can find someone who's experiencing the same things. Right at that moment of instant connection, I have again allowed someone to know me more and see beyond the thick and high walls I built for bottling up my emotions. It's never easy to let someone see our cracks and hear the stories that we have withheld but the freeing act has to be done and this, I think, is what the universe is trying to teach me. Maybe it's about time to allow myself to feel that deeper form of intimacy and greater love from more people - things I am always trying to get away with because they're uncomfortable. But I think I should try to feel more comfortable, diba? It's not like I can be this way forever. Haha.

Our lives crossed at this very moment probably because you were looking for reviews, itineraries or anything under the sun that I have posted about here. In the course of your life, you got to meet me somehow and find out my thoughts. There's a common thing that led us to each other's lives but unless we make an effort to reconnect then "our path" is only up to this point. I won't know about how you came across my blog (or sabihin mo kaya?) but I am glad for this opportunity to have you in this one-sided talk. So for the people that we are going to meet, exerting effort to understand and find more things in common are better than just knowing him/her on the surface. In Filipino Psychology we have this term, "kapalagayang loob" or your confidant. 'Yan ang one goal we should have in this life. Ang magkaroon ng mga taong pagbubuksan natin ng loob at makapagpapalagayan ng loob. 


Thank you for reading and I'd like to tell you that I hope that we can both meet people who will 1. accept us despite knowing our stories that aren't pretty. 2. connect with us and love us even after sharing our weaknesses. 3. be inspired by the life we live and vice versa. I'm not saying that you should tell all your vulnerabilities, regrets, and weaknesses to everyone you meet, meron lang talagang special encounters and appropriate timing. 




As for the person my aunt's looking for who can author and publish a book in the future... hahahahahaha. Ansabe. Paka-loyal na lang ako sa blogosphere. Apat na taon na nga oh. Baka pag nag publish ako ng sarili kong libro, mabaliw na lang tayong dalawa. hahahahaha.

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