Everything is a struggle. Being content is good but...

Last Saturday, we waited a long time before finding a jeep to ride. The guy in front shouted, "3 pa. 3 pa." We rode only to find myself squatting in the aisle because the space was too narrow for me to sit in. I got mad at first because that person who called us in was so inconsiderate. Gusto ko na talaga manapak nun. Seryoso. Mas madali pang sumabit sa labas. We stayed nonetheless because we were desperate and we have no other means. Even if my legs were sore after squatting, it was still better than not having a jeepney to ride. I felt contented somehow.

Just before I turned on my laptop tonight, our place had a water supply interruption and we had no stocked water or anything. I went in the kitchen only to find out that we don't have drinking water too. I opened the fridge and inside was a container with water which is, I think, less than 1000 ml. This may not be a big deal because a lot of people don't even have water supply in their house. But for someone who's used to wash her face and body and/or brush her teeth with running water, using 1000ml for everything is a challenge. But 1000ml water is 1000ml. I adjusted. I felt contented. I felt lucky. 

Then I started questioning myself, okay lang kasi nakaraos naman pero kung sa ibang bagay ba na pwede akong mamili? "Am I just going let myself live settling for an okay everytime? Can't I make myself feel that I deserve having/being treated more than what's okay?" 

Sabi kasi nila, "Kapag maiksi ang kumot, matutong mamaluktot." Kaya okay na ko umupo sa gitna ng jeep kahit nagbayad ako ng P 8.50 na kagaya naman ng mga binayaran ng may upuan. Kaya okay na rin ako magtipid ng tubig kahit na meron naman kaming tubig sa labas at pwede kong kunin 'yun kung gusto ko ng 3000ml na tubig. 

Kapag ba gustong gusto kong kumain ng beef tapos binigyan ako ng beef soup na walang laman, okay lang kasi at least meron?

Kapag ba naghanap ako ng jowa tas nandun sa taong 'yun ang ugaling pinaka-ayaw ko e okay na lang kasi at least meron?

Kapag ba may nakita akong lugar na gusto kong puntahan pero wala naman akong pera na pwedeng gastusin e okay lang na wag na kong mangarap makapunta dun?

Kasi dapat maging masaya na ko sa buhay na meron ako... ganun ba?

Hay, pwede naman siguro pagkasyahin ang sarili sa maiksing kumot pero pag tumatagal na hindi ba pwedeng, "Kung maiksi ang kumot edi bumili ng bago." "Kung maiksi ang kumot edi magtahi ng pandugtong." Mga ganyang kasabihan para lang maiba. Wala namang masama sa pagiging kontento pero hindi rin masama magmatapang at mangarap ng iba. Magkaiba kasi 'yung contentment at walang ginagawa.

Yes, being contented with our lives is a good thing but the situation is different when you want to change something yet do nothing about it. Wala lang, gusto ko parati ipaalala sa sarili ko na kahit gusto kong maging grateful at maging kontento sa buhay, hindi masamang gustuhin na mas mapabuti pa ang sitwasyon ko dahil deserve ko naman 'yung the best at keri ko naman maghirap para makuha kung anuman 'yun. Why settle, diba, when I have the ability to transform my situation? Why settle when I know I deserve more? It's difficult to unlearn the mindset of being fine as long as we are able to get by and it's scary to risk for something unknown but it has to be done. But what's worst? Staying because we feel okay with not facing our fear/pain because it is "safer and familiar" to stay than try to walk away and face the "new and better". 

Are we really content or are we just settling because we believe that we have no choice? Remember that there's always a room for improvement.

 Life is what we make it. :)

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