My May I's 2020

By Tin Gallemaso - 5:19:00 PM



Glad to have known the feeling of

doing lots of things for the first time
having my breath taken away by nature's beauty
conquering mountains alone and with a group
waking up on a mountain's cold breeze
passing through the misty fog of a low lying cloud
seeing my most beautiful sunrise after a difficult climb
swimming in the vastness of the ocean
jumping from steep cliffs to a flowing river
sleeping soundly on a long haul flight
living alone in other countries
getting lost in the road and getting lost in translation
learning foreign languages
calmness on long bus rides
singing out of tune during a crazy car ride
dancing enthusiastically in random places
touring and going around with strangers
drinking beer while listening to the ocean waves
looking at the moon from the other side of the world
watching meteor showers, solar and lunar eclipses
walking tirelessly on a freezing winter night
wandering alone without a destination
bathing in the summer sun
smelling the scent of spring flowers
strolling tree-lined walkways and their autumn foliage
feeling delicate snowflakes land on my cheeks

....

having belly aches after laughing so hard
tasting joy in discovering new food
finding love in unexpected friendships
discovering things and places on my own
receiving and giving warm hugs
enjoying simple things
realizing dreams I once thought were impossible
being comfortable in silence


The list above still won't be able to summarize all the adventures that life has given me so far. Like I always say, I am infinitely grateful.


But then,

I'd still have times like this when I feel down especially when I can't seek my way out of this mundane everyday. My past experiences have taught me that being lonely doesn't necessarily make one weak. I don't know. I just can't help it but feel lost especially now that most things are uncertain. It has been exactly 47 days since ECQ started and as the end feels nearer (thinking positive! pero not COVID positive. lol) I think I'm anxious for not having the assurance about which portion of my life will continue after the crisis.

A side of me, though, thinks that it's the lack of travel plans that is making me feel this way. HAHAHA! Travel has been my "comfort zone" and even if I was already thinking of slowing down, the feeling is still different when something is suddenly taken away from you. Pero yeah, mababaw so hindi totally ito talaga. Arte ko lang today.  

Pero 'yun nga, looking forward pa rin. Mahalaga naman dito, humihinga at lumalaban pa rin. nyahaha!


New stories are waiting to be experienced, written and shared. At super dami ko pang past experiences that are waiting to be written and shared talaga. Magbabalik loob na rin ako rito sa blogosphere. HAHA! Pwede na rin kasi, diba? Sabi nga, "We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” Habang walang gala edi isulat ko muna lahat ng kulang baka nga abutin akong 2021, di ko pa tapos. :)))


.
Anyway
.

I am choosing, once again, to trust the unknown. I have faith that I can move forward and strength to endure even if nothing's going to be easy.


Maybe just maybe,

this whole thing is teaching me how to stay... stay for something greater... stay for a different chapter... stay for a new life's purpose... stay for a new beginning... that in the midst of these all - I am redirected to the direction of where I am really meant to be. Above all the uncertainties, doubts, worries - I am being held together for a brand new start.




May I continue to find joy in simplicity and find hope whenever giving up crosses my mind.

May I be able to lean into the grace that will always remind me that things will get better... that everything will come together as how they're supposed to be even if they seem bleak. 

May I continue to be able to look for my little miracles. That despite waking up on what looks like an ordinary day - I'd be reminded that life is here. That life is happening now.

May I be okay with not having instant and correct answers, times when I can't figure things out, moments when I don't know what to say, and feelings that I don't know how to express.

May I be able to make the most of my days in the future and consider every single thing as something worth tasting, cherishing, experiencing, appreciating, remembering, and loving. (Gumamit ako nga pala ako ng thesaurus para madaming words. Char! HAHAHA)




A part of our life may not have happened as we hoped but let's still make the best out of everything. Here's to moving forward in audacity.
GOD BLESS! <3


PS. Totoo nga. 
"You see one loves the sunset when one is so sad." I always find sunsets to be relaxing but they look melancholic today

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