Or the day I learned about Robin Egg Blue. Gone are the days when I would refer to that color as just cyan. :))
Eversince I started travelling way back 2014, I would always pray that I'd attract the RIGHT people. And as I've always said, I've been blessed 'cause I have a lot of people that I can run to whenever I need someone to talk with and share my joys and pains. Though, of course, this blog has always been a safe space for me as well since 2012. Still, can't deny that there's a different feeling if you're talking to someone rather than just pouring your heart out with writing as your chosen medium.
Composing this for a friend whom I've known for some years now... sabi niya kasi, hindi pa siya na-flex sa social media. I tried. Flex with no name. HAHAHA. SO PARANG DI PA RIN, NOH?? Infairness, kahit baliwan lang kami mag-usap madalas e realizations are kinda deep. This is a part of our journey: ACCEPTANCE, HEALING, and SELF-LOVE.
Ito 'yung background song habang umiinom ako ng soju at umiinom siya ng chocolate drink.
I noticed that for the past posts, I've been writing a lot about the people in my life. Maybe I'm just missing social interaction, miss being with people, missing those long walks, warm hugs, face to face conversations... lol. But anyway, this is what COVID is doing to me/us. DAMING TIME! PERO SHET WILL HUG TIGHTER TALAGA AFTER NG SOCIAL DISTANCING NA 'TO!!!! KAHIT PURO VIDEO CALL NAMAN KAMI AND WE'RE TALKING MORE THESE DAYS. HINDI KO NA TALAGA KINAKAYA, BESH! HAHAHA
Note: These screenshots are published with consent. Di masyadong obvious pero may progress kami as individuals through the years. Para don sa time/year reference kaya nilagay ko 'tong mga 'to. Pero nakakalungkot 'yung ganito, noh? 'Yung mga kwento at pictures natin, nasa screenshots na lang. 'Yung kwentuhan nasa chat at calls na lang. Haaaaay. Sana talaga umayos na. 🥺🥺🥺
Our heartbreak - 2015.
A space to not have to be strong.
It's just so comforting to have someone know and understand your frail moments. That feeling wherein there is someone who would give you courage on days when you thought that you've lost yours. 2015 - we were both battling our own heartbreaks that year. We'd have outbursts and we've used a lot of defense mechanisms to deal with the pain. Over the months of praying for each and giving each other strength (kahit ubos na ubos na rin kami nung mga panahong 'yon), we were able to let go.
Tama naman, diba? At some point we'd have to let go of the toxic and move on para sa ikasasaya natin. There would be people that no matter how much you're wishing that they'd be a part of your life, situations won't just work out for the both of you.
Choosing ourselves - 2018
He went to Europe and I went exploring as well but we kept in touch. 2020 lalong lumiit 'yung pag-asa na makapunta rin ako doon. HAHA! SHEKLEP LIFE.
We were battling but fortunately, not our heartbreaks anymore - we were battling our other demons while chasing dreams. Making commitments with ourselves. Becoming the best version of ourselves. Not relying on other people to give us happiness. We can't know what's best for someone else but we can always choose what's best for ourselves. You can always choose you and to do you and it is certainly not a selfish thing to do.
We were battling but fortunately, not our heartbreaks anymore - we were battling our other demons while chasing dreams. Making commitments with ourselves. Becoming the best version of ourselves. Not relying on other people to give us happiness. We can't know what's best for someone else but we can always choose what's best for ourselves. You can always choose you and to do you and it is certainly not a selfish thing to do.
I'm just really thankful that no matter how terrifying and how overwhelming travel was at first - I made the choice, summoned the strength and left... left for countless of times that saying goodbye and being detached yet grateful are as easy as 123. Well, okay. Di naman siguro kasing dali ng 123 'yung goodbye pero ewan, mas kaya ng gawin kumpara dati. Pero being grateful part, madali.
Nakiki-heartbreak 2020 🤷🏻♀️
Kagabi 'to. Muntanga. Naki-heartbreak kami sa ex ni Catriona. Gusto mo 'yon?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Imagine, sa dami ng pwede namin problemahin sa buhay namin, pinroblema namin 'yung lovelife ng iba na hindi naman kilala at hanggang madaling araw kaming problemado at feeling hurt. Buti na lang talaga may espiritu ng alak ako kaya nalimutan ko na agad pag gising.
I was drinking with my other best friend (online!!!) and he was talking to me as well. Gusto ko rin 'yung sobrang dami kong beshy! Hahaha. Wala lang. Sobrang thankful talaga. Sa panahon kasi ngayon, ang hirap na maghanap ng totoong tao. Kaya nga andon lagi 'yung prayers na sa mga taong nakilala natin, walang hidden agenda. Ang lungkot at ang gulo na ng mundo. Mananakit ka pa ba? Magdadagdag ka pa ba ng bitterness? At magiging dahilan ng mas malalang trust issues? I hope not. In this world sana if anything, we'll choose to be kind and fair.
✨✨ Be careful who you hurt 'cause someday, you might find yourself asking several what ifs. What goes around, comes around.✨✨
This pause that COVID gave us, we were able to use it to talk once again without feeling hurried. We were able to compare our situations (then) and our growth. Kaya sobrang nakakatuwa at ang saya na may maririnig ka from someone na nakilala mo years ago na, "Uy, totoo, we're growing." I'm grateful that they are easy to be with people. Pwedeng kausapin ng seryoso pero pwede rin kasama sa kalokohan. 'Yung kahit saan-saan ko lang nakilala mga tao, pero buo ang tiwala. Hindi man pareho sa lahat ng bagay pero tanggap ka. 'Yung ganitong support system, alam kong hindi basta napupulot. <3 I appreciate you friends and blogger friends.
So balik tayo sa kami na nakiki-heartbreak May 24, 2020. HAHA!
Dami ko rin alam? HAHA.
Pero kasi, as years passed, there's one thing that we agreed upon - MERON NA KAMING SELF-LOVE. Self-love gave us the confidence to know that we'll be fine onour own and we don't need other people to validate us and our feelings or make us feel complete.
Pero kasi, as years passed, there's one thing that we agreed upon - MERON NA KAMING SELF-LOVE. Self-love gave us the confidence to know that we'll be fine onour own and we don't need other people to validate us and our feelings or make us feel complete.
Kahit naki-heartbreak kami kaya hindi naiwasan na maalala 'yung sakit at mabalik 'yung mga tanong namin, at the end of the day andito na 'yung self-love. This is the result of all those years that we spent picking up the broken pieces of our lives, those tears that made way for us to see clearer the things that are important, going through all those loneliness alone and eventually finding joy that we're both not allowing anything or anyone to destroy what took us years to build.
Hindi bato at hindi rin marupok - alam lang siguro 'yung klase ng respeto na deserve namin. 'Yung capable ka of accepting people sa buhay mo pero hindi mo nakakalimutan 'yung IKAW. The best part about this is, we've become stronger individuals and we know it 'cause we saw each other during our broken and now healed phase. Bwisit 'yan. Kaya may mga tao na sobrang magaan lang sa loob kausapin kasi wala ka ng itatago, e noh? Nakita na worst, besh. Ano ba naman 'yung worse, bad, good, better, best? 😆 Pero seryoso, ito 'yung kwento na matagal kong iniwasan kaso kailangan ko pala talagang balikan para masabi ko sa sarili ko na tapos na. I'm over it na talaga.
Ito 'yung Robin Egg Blue reference kasi pinapaliwanag niya sa'kin 'yung stop points at ikot para magkita ulit 'yung mga linya. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ Sa sobrang dami naming time, ginawan na lang ng solusyon 'yung three saddest math love stories. (Asymptotes, Tangent, Parallel Lines) Although kontra ko sa kanya somehow kasi huwag na ipilit ang wala. AHAHAHA! You don't wanna stay in loop with something that's not serving you well. It's not being heartless. It's a braver you. You who have your doors wide open for those who want to leave. Most especially, you who have the strength to walk away from people who don't know how to value and respect you.
Challenges and crisis are covers for life miracles that have no other way of reaching us. This is what I'm calling my miracle at this point - 'yung mas makilala ko sarili ko sa panahon na halos nawala sa'kin lahat ng hinawakan ko at tinuring na essential parts of my everyday. We have been dealing with the pandemic in our own different ways - and obviously, writing, connecting and re-connecting are what I've been doing. Somehow, malungkot especially since nasanay ako sa quality time with friends pero at the same time, sobrang thankful din kasi kahit papaano "shared lives" pa rin 'yung growth at realizations ng phase na 'to.
For you... :))
May you be able to let go of your life's toxic. (thoughts, habits, relationships, o kung anuman 'yan)
May this be the beginning of acceptance and loving yourself as well.
YOUR SELF - that's your home and greatest adventure right there.
YOUR SELF - that's your home and greatest adventure right there.
Kaya...
WELCOME HOME AND I'M PRAYING THAT YOU MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR OWN ADVENTURE.
PS. Naalala ko lang na good job sa'min for feeling this way. :))) Our 2015 selves would be sooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooo proud! Ngayon puro tawa at mura na lang kasi sobrang kadiri, dati iyak iyak tawa sabay mura tas iyak ulit. Hahahahaha. Binalikan namin mga love letters na tinabi niya na sinunog na ngayon tas mga recorded kung ano ano ko na muntik na ko himatayin sa pagiging kadiri nung narinig ko ulit nung isang gabi. Alam ko marami rin ka-dramahan dito 2014 - 2017 siguro pero ayoko na hanapin isa-isa kaya hayaan na lang. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ Acceptance ng katangahan. Sure na sure. Haha! Oh to be young and inlove... and into performing arts. HAHAHAHAHA
