sorPREXa 2015

By Tin Gallemaso - 1:44:00 PM

Parish Renewal Experience 2015

Turns out that November is an exhausting and challenging month for two consecutive years.

Last year, our Mt. Pulag climb exhausted me physically but there was a sense of accomplishment after the hike. Lahat ng feelings ay nasa post. Click na lang sa link. :))

For this year, it was our Parish Renewal Experience that drained me IN ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE (all caps para intense!). But after the roller coaster of emotions that I was in for two and a half days, it felt like I've let go of all the emotional baggage I have and thus, I have a renewed soul. I was relieved and I feel like I have all the reasons to re-live. Everything PREX were all the things I tried to escape from so it wasn't something that I would sign up for. Apparently, someone signed me up and I had no ways of backing out. Dragged my feet to the church the first night and I was so determined not to participate wholeheartedly. I also planned on ways on how to keep my guards up all the time. But nothing happened my way... glad nothing did though. Now, I am delighted I said yes to what He wanted. 

My PREX experience was like peeling an onion. Bawat tanggal ng layer e nakakaiyak. Hindi lang iyak ah, iyak with feelings pero pagkatapos ng lahat ng luha e mission accomplished, okay na sa pakiramdam. 

"There is a crack in everything, that is where the light comes in."

I may be weak but I don't usually show people my weak spot. What happens when I get disappointed, hurt or heartbroken is I just keep everything inside, numb the pain and then go on with life.

Parang butas na tinapalan lang for the sake of matakpan para magmukhang matibay. 

He brought me close to the people who have/had their own brokenness and before I know it, I was breaking the walls myself. I was exposing my broken and vulnerable self to strangers. I told them my pains, my frustrations, and everything I refused to tell even some of the most important people to me. He brought me close to people whose life experiences can be my guide as I live my own. I've read lots of books but none have touched me the way PREX speakers and my co-experiencers did. Mas okay pala 'yung ganitong road to recovery kesa 'yung pilitin mong wag na lang bigla pansinin. 'Yung aamin kang hindi okay pero may gagawin ka about it. Kesa 'yung magpapanggap kang okay at papaniwalain mo na lang sarili mong okay ka na kahit hindi naman. Sinadya kong liitan 'yung font, hindi rin ako makapaniwalang sa'kin nanggaling 'yan.

 Journey. Mistakes. Healing. Redemption. Meaning. Change. Happiness.

Hindi ko alam pero nung isang gabi matapos naming gawin 'yung isang activity, parang biglang gumaan 'yung pakiramdam ko. Hindi ko maipaliwanag pero parang may nawala na lang. Ang galing. 'Yung layers e binasag tas 'yung mga butas e na-expose pero pagkatapos ng lahat ng 'yon e kakaibang feeling, kakaiba in the best way possible. 

Light came in as soon as in-expose ko halos lahat ng cracks na meron ako. Ganun pala 'yung feeling. Haven't felt that in a long time.

"Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you're not as terrible as you think you are."

This is new but I found solace in someone I barely know. It's hard for me to open up not entirely because of the fear of judgment but it's just the way I am or the way I prefer I am. Anyway, he was telling his and when it was my turn to comfort and tell him that it's okay, my first three sentences were, "Hindi ko alam kung paano pero nakaramdam ako ng instant connection sa'yo. Okay lang 'yan. Kakayanin natin 'to." 

I won't put everything he told me but, "Wag na wag mong iisipin na kailangan mong mag sorry sa sarili mo. Cheer up and always be proud of yourself and your decisions." Never ko naisip na 'yung ganito ka-simpleng mga pangungusap e magbibigay ng ganun kalaking comfort sa'kin. Hindi kami friends or hindi pa kami friends but we immediately reached a level deeper than friendship. I'm thankful na kahit ayaw namin initially pumunta e wala kaming choice kundi pumunta kaya nagkakilala kami. I met several people there but he was the special one because we have a lot of similarities. Like we don't even have to say everything yet empathy came instantly. Kung mabasa mo 'to, HELLO SA'YO. Sanay na tayo sa drama ng isa't isa kaya lampake na. Maraming maraming salamat sa lahat. Hahaha! 

"Things are working out. You may not see it now, but just know God is directing you to a much greater happiness."

Mabuti na lang pinakinggan ko 'yung tawag kahit hindi talaga ako okay about it nung umpisa. Ang dami kong natutunan, na-realize, at nabitawan sa weekend na 'yon. At pakiramdam ko, mas kakayanin ko na lahat. Heheheheheheheheh. Ang amazing lang na in less than three days of being together e na-reach namin  lahat 'yung level of understanding na minsan kahit 'yung ibang tao na ilang taon ng magkasama e hindi magawa.

At dahil dyan, nung ending e nag-promise akong sasali na ko sa ministry. hehehehehehehe. Ge. Push 'to. Ilang beses naman na kong tinawag pero snobber ako eh. 

I can't post all details because 90% of what transpired are too personal. Kung meron kang chance to join an encounter with God (kahit anong religion mo pa), go. Sobrang sneaky Niya at alam Niya kung ano ba 'yung bagay na dapat mong ma-experience at ma-realize. Thankful for that weekend and for all the people who made it possible. Parang panibagong sunrise sa buhay eh pero alam mo? In the end, na-realize ko na everything is a choice talaga. Kung ano 'yung nararamdaman mo o kung ano 'yung ayaw mong maramdaman, choice mo eh.

There will be always be people supporting you, people thanking God for you, people willing to help you, even people who are constantly judging you etc. Alam mo 'yun, andyan lang sila lahat at nasa atin 'yung choice natin kung paano sila haharapin o 'yung choice kung alin sakanila 'yung mas papansinin natin. 

Praying that we all make better choices.

God bless!
Aldub you!! :D

NOTE: May pagka jeje na sorpresa 'yung title. hehe. Nakaka-surprise naman kasi kung ano 'yung nangayari sa'kin kaya ganyan. :))

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